After a long, LONG hiatus, I'm back and feistier than ever!  I'm completely overhauling AJBray.com to look slicker, be easier to manage, and faster for me to update.  Yeah!

What prompted this, you ask?  A lot of things, actually.  Even though I haven't been updating, it doesn't mean there haven't been goings on and news from my wee world.  For starters, I'm really excited about the launch of Chloe Magazine, and I'm absolutely honoured that they chose me for the cover of the premier issue.  As well, I'll be writing a segment for them in each issue, "Where Sexy Takes a Spin," so be sure to go to www.ChloeMagazine.com and sign up for a subscription.  It's only $10/year, but if you're a disabled woman with a passion for life, it's invaluable.  

I'm also doing a LOT more modelling than before.  Truth be told, I think I was a little skittish about putting myself out there so much in the past, but I'm really embracing what it mean    s to be vivacious and disabled simultaneously.  The world needs more outrageous chicks in chairs; otherwise, how are we ever going to break down those stereotypes that are making us hesitate in the first place?!  (Man, the world needs to revive the Interrobang.  More on that later.)  I would be a total hypocrite if I didn't get out there, kick some ass, and take some names!  So, I'm trying to do just that.

I've kind of decided that the interrobang is the symbol that represents all the outstanding cats in the disabled community to me, and I strive to live up to it everyday.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interrobang)  To me , the interrobang is the ultimate distillation of "WTF?!" and I live to see that expression on people's faces.  So many people really can't fathom putting the words "sexy" and "wheelchair" in the same sentence, but I think in time, it'll become a more mainstream concept.  

I'm also super excited about the advancements for the GLBT community being made in the U.S. right now.  As of this entry, there are four states that are allowing same-sex marriage.  After the embarrassing debacle in California, this is exactly what the States needs to motivate people and set things in motion toward equal rights.  Congratulations Massachusetts,  Connecticut, Iowa, and Vermont!  I'm so excited to be young and witnessing all this: first Vermont paved the way with Civil Unions, a good but second class status for gay couples.  Then my beloved Ontario granted equal rights to marriage in July of 2002, then Quebec, Manitoba, and by 2004, all of Canada.  That same year, Massachusetts joined in with real marriage, truly breaking ground for the U.S. Now, all around the world, new advancements are being made, and watching the social paradigm shift daily is truly exciting.  This, my friends, is history in the making.

With that, I sign off for now.  It's always great to leave on a high note.  

I love my little house!  Sure, it's a fixer-upper, but it is the best little house EVER!  Why?  Because it's mine, damn it!  Heheheh  And it is fully handicapped-accessible, cute, huge (to me), and cozy.  It's a dream come true.    And thanks to the Ikea in Etobicoke, my house is adorable!  YAY! 

Ok, enough exuberance.  I'm currently working on another erotic novel, Flex Sex is in the lap of a competent editor, and all is going well in Literary Land.  All in all, I'm happy.  And a happy writer is a prolific writer, so readers BEWARE!  Heehee!  Be prepared for my latest sexy goodness!

And, so, we venture into the Holiday Season.  I wasn't raised with any December holidays (save Winter Solstice), but I still feel the general energy of the season.  With that, I only ask one thing:  Please Be Green.  All I ever ask of readers is to be sexy, be smart, be savvy, and be green.  Can you recycle any wrapping paper?  Can you give a gift with rechargeable batteries?  Can you use more eco-friendly lights to illuminate the holiday season?

Just think before you act, that's all I ever ask. 

And if anyone wants to give me a present, just email me!  LOL 

Love you all and I'll write again soon.

I've been giving advice to people in the GLBT community on Keen for a few weeks now.  I don't think a day goes by that a caller doesn't provoke me to think.  I also give some general sex advice -- mostly explaining anatomy and the rules of safer sex to straight guys with vague questions.  I've had a couple transmen call, which is refreshing, but mostly I hear from men who suddenly realized they're gay.  Most of them are over forty, some are married, but the majority is split evenly between divorced and single. 

One particular gentleman has been popping into my mind a lot.  It was about two weeks ago.  He realized he was attracted to men, that women weren't sexually appealing, and he was quite distraught.  He genuinely had no idea what to do.  When I asked him the obvious question of, "Have you considered going to gay clubs, bars, or support groups?" his answer was an astounded, "No!" 

After I explained that it would be a good place to start, he asked, very timidly, "How will I know if a guy likes me?"

I was crushed.  Suddenly and most unexpectedly, the conversation went to an awkward place.  He sounded so small, so afraid of the men, that it was exactly like speaking with a twelve-year old girl.  I did the best I could, stoked his ego back up, and told him to email me if he had any other worries.

It really got me thinking, though.  What is it about men that turned this mid-forties divorcee into a trembling, doe-eyed little girl with one sentence?  Does the sudden realization that men are desirable immediately inspire fears of rejection?  Do men really have that kind of power?  I honestly don't think so, but maybe it's because I've always known men weren't the only option for me.  I've seen many a lesbian come out and not have this same trepidation.  They had fear, certainly, but it wasn't as regressive.  Are men so brutal that their presence turns every bar into a heart-hammering recreation of the first school dance? 

What's funny to me is that I've known a lot of men.  I've been One of the Boys, the Girlfriend, the Arm Candy, and the Mother Figure to different men at different times, and I've never known them to be all that judgmental.  I learnt the most being One of the Boys, getting to hear what they really think of women (and men) in their native habitat.  They're chill.  Yeah, they objectify people, and sometimes use the word "fatty" inappropriately, but they're not as snide, nasty, or cutting as women can be.

For some reason, even a slightly sarcastic compliment from a woman can sting for days longer than a simple, "Chubster" from a beer-guzzling fratboy.  I should know; I dole out the snideness with the best of them.

In spite of that, women are cool, too.  They can be more intuitive, they listen (or at least pretend to), and aren't stingy with the not-so-sarcastic compliments.  And you know what?  They objectify with the best of 'em.  (I know I sure do.) 

I've always liked to believe that the two genders really do understand each other, that people just impose their fears onto the unknown as a subconscious reflex, and this guy helped me reinforce my beliefs.  His fear of the variable within his own gender scared him silly, reducing him to the childhood notion of the Monster in the Closet.

To him, I say, the Monster is in the closet.  Come out here where it's safe.

Today, Toronto Pride Weekend really gets under way.  The Mister and I have been looking at houses and condos all week, and we found the absolute cutest place in the world.  It's out in the sticks, which is exactly what I want, but close to the highway for him.  It's already accessible for me, huge inside,  and has a million windows, yet is totally private.  I just hope we can get financing for it.  *sigh*

Domestic crap aside, this weekend we're going to party hard and show T.O. how proud we are.  I think the edits are going really well for Hat Trick.  Last night, I sent them off and the Other Half did laundry.  Then, we were going to go out and indulge in some of the city's late-night diversions, but.......well.......we never made it. 

Probably one of the best nights of my life.  Incidentally, it was probably one of the worst nights in the lives of our neighbours.

DC Pride was AWESOME!  Started out the weekend early with Sam on Friday.  We hit this cool club in Baltimore, MD called "Grand Central," and partied our asses off with all the cool cats.  Saturday, the Mister and I ventured to Apex in DC for the CRAZIEST freakin night at Apex.  It was out of control--hot dykes packed wall to wall, an amazing showing from the trans crowd, and we met some of the coolest people between DC and West Virginia.  Chicago's over-the-top diva, Miss Foozie was there, and the music kept the crowd jumping until last call.  Sunday was the Capital Pride street festival and although it was fairly overcast, I was still glad I had my trusty parasol and an entire can of SPF 50.  Even still, I freckled unattractively and was still itching this morning.  Oh, the sun and I are mortal foes.  Met the wicked cool DC Transmaculine guys, and the HIPS game of Blindfolded Condom Application was fun and easy.  As one of the biggest proponents of safer sex in the solar system, if I couldn't do it blindfolded, with my mouth, and make sure there was a reservoir in the tip for safety, I'd be a complete hypocrite. 

After the street fest, everyone pretty much migrated to Dupont Circle, and we were no exceptions.  After dinner, we poked at Lambda Rising, where I found a wicked present for my mom.  It's exactly the kind of thing I know she'll love, so I can't wait to see her again and give it to her.  The stop at that store was doubly cool when I got to sign the copies of the BLE 2002 and 2003 that they had on the shelves.  I'll be back there in September to sign for the release of Best Lesbian Bondage Erotica, and the guy remembered me from the last signing I did there.  Whee!

Baltimore Pride is on Sunday, so I'll be spending the week working on edits, my next novel, and recharging for more festivities.  We'll be there with bells on, so come say hi!  It should be a little crazy, a lot proud, and totally fun!  After that, it's back to good ol' Taranna (that's Toronto to readers in the States ) for one of the biggest, best, and most amazing Pride festivals in the world.

That last post was so cathartic, I think I'm going to try that whole, "Whatever the Fuck I Feel Like," approach again, though I do have actual points this time.

1) A friend offered to re-design my website the other day, a beautiful, sweet, and appreciated gesture, but one I also had to decline.  It instantly felt wrong and after some introspection, I figured out why.  First of all, in this era of free, easy, user-friendly website generators with drag-and-drop technology, I say MOO!  My site, unlike everything else you'll ever find, is done with code and code alone, all assembled by me in notepad.  It's my own design, my own graphics, and completely handmade by me.  It would be like if I spent hours and hours hand-embroidering my own wedding dress, sewing on beads one at a time, and someone came along with a catalogue of wedding dresses and offered to buy me one.  It's not the same. 

Yeah, I know my site is simple, with no frills, tricks, or nifty blinky things.  I know that.  I don't care.  Any site created by other people would be done with a generator and I simply won't have that; I need to know how all the HTML works.  If my friend said, "Hey, you can make your page blink and wiggle!  Just use the <BlinkWIGGLE> tag and set your coordinates and background colour for the wiggling!" it would be fine, and I might consider making my page blink and wiggle.  However, the reality is, "Hey, AJ, I can make your site blink and wiggle!  I'll just pop it into this program, drag your photo here, drop some text into this box here, and select the BLINKWiggle option."  Then, if I went to check the code, it would be pages and pages of superfluous code that wandered in idiotic loops of stupidity.  Then I would be dependent on the same fucking program for the lifespan of that particular site instead of being able to fix things and update easily and quickly.

So, if you're ever looking at my site and wonder why nothing really blink or wiggles, now you know why.  Go check out the source code in the "View Source" option under Page in the browser menu some time.  On my actual pages (not this blog) you'll see that everything is nice, neat, and short, with nothing extra or unnecessary.  And "Made with 100% pure code and Notepad."

2) SHIRT UPDATE! -- I bought one of the little tank tops from the site to see how they look.  I'm very well not going to encourage other people to buy stuff when I don't even know if it's any good or not, so I put my money where my mouth is, so to speak.  The shirts are ADORABLE!  My main complaint is that the tanks seem to run a *bit* big, even though they're Juniors, and the lesser complaint is that the straps aren't adjustable.  Those are the only things I can find wrong.  The text came out really well, the shadowing looks great, and the strawberries are cute as hell and perfectly positioned over one's nipples.  (hehehe)  I'll be hitting DC Pride this weekend, so if you're in the DC area, say hi.  I'll be the chick in a power wheelchair wearing one of my shirts who, incidentally, looks exactly like the photos on this site.  The following Sunday, I'll be at Baltimore Pride, and the week after that, Toronto, Pride.

I fuckin love June.

3)  I finally finished the intro for another collection of short stories and now only need to find it a home.  This is the collection I mentioned before, so now it's officially done.  Whee!

Ok, that's it.